The guy removed the Patton video that once was here...
Fret not...the good General and William Wallace before him, I'll continue to find nuggets to inspire, motivate and encourage...
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Seven years ago today....twin structures
"Where were when the world stopped turning that September day?"- Alan Jackson
Sure, I remember...we were preparing for a HUGE memorial service of a very prominent local attorney. I was driving in, listening to some inane morning show out of New York when the first plane hit. I had just turned into the driveway of the funeral home when the second one hit...the chaos that followed blurs pretty much everything else. We went forward with the memorial service as planned, and I remember a soldier in attendance running out with an emergency page as the day unfolded.
But what I remember most consumed my mind for a solid week. And had nothing to do with the terrorist attacks.
I took a first call from a father whose wife had just had a miscarriage. He was distraught, with questions barrelling through his mind and out his mouth. He even asked me if I thought he and his wife would be able to have any more babies.
The sucker punch of it for that family and that day: They miscarried twins.
Exactly one week later, seven years ago today, under an eerily quiet sky save for the occasional fighter jet (the airways were still locked down), I stood at the graveside during a insultingly perfect September day, listening to the minister trying hard to find some comfort to give the devastated parents.
His opening lines seared my brain, and stand out just as sharp and clear as if I heard the words mere minutes ago...
"Last week, the world lost two gigantic twin structures of concrete, steel and glass.
And on that same horrible day last week, the world lost two tiny, fragile twin structures of flesh, blood and bone..."
Ka POW! Everyone's attention was riveted to that pastor. He sought out and delivered one of the most poignant funeral messages I (or anyone else in attendance) ever heard.
Few of our colleagues in this wonderfully rewarding field would consider the choice of a minister as a touchpoint of customer service.
But it is. It is such a make or break detail for the funeral experience to have the appropriate clergy or celebrant handling the service.
The clergyman in this instance is pretty much a "rent-a-collar" for families desiring short and sweet, or what he termed "Jesus-lite" services, and he does a phenomenal job most of the time...but he isn't for every family.
How much thought do you give to matching the pastor to the family (beyond the obvious of matching Baptist to Baptist, priest for the Catholics, etc.)? Do you match personalities and styles, too?
If your answer is no, then I must ask "Why not?"
Don't tell me it's too much work...if it's too much work for you to truly serve your families, get the hell out of the funeral business and go somewhere where they don't care about service, like the DMV or IRS.
If you simply don't have the resources in your area for your families, then it is up to you to polish and study up on your theology and literature. Serve a pastor-less family and wow them with your verbal prowess. And some day, when you and I are having a beer together, ask me about my "Apocalypse Now" eulogy.
I'm particularly proud of that one!
Here's to your success! I hope you are all doing well, and my prayers and warm thoughts go to my readers afflicted by the hurricane over the weekend.
Yours,
Dan
PS-The Guerrilla Director site is down for a while...I want to redo it. I'll let you know when it's back up and running. And I have a question...have you ever been invited to Arlington?
Sure, I remember...we were preparing for a HUGE memorial service of a very prominent local attorney. I was driving in, listening to some inane morning show out of New York when the first plane hit. I had just turned into the driveway of the funeral home when the second one hit...the chaos that followed blurs pretty much everything else. We went forward with the memorial service as planned, and I remember a soldier in attendance running out with an emergency page as the day unfolded.
But what I remember most consumed my mind for a solid week. And had nothing to do with the terrorist attacks.
I took a first call from a father whose wife had just had a miscarriage. He was distraught, with questions barrelling through his mind and out his mouth. He even asked me if I thought he and his wife would be able to have any more babies.
The sucker punch of it for that family and that day: They miscarried twins.
Exactly one week later, seven years ago today, under an eerily quiet sky save for the occasional fighter jet (the airways were still locked down), I stood at the graveside during a insultingly perfect September day, listening to the minister trying hard to find some comfort to give the devastated parents.
His opening lines seared my brain, and stand out just as sharp and clear as if I heard the words mere minutes ago...
"Last week, the world lost two gigantic twin structures of concrete, steel and glass.
And on that same horrible day last week, the world lost two tiny, fragile twin structures of flesh, blood and bone..."
Ka POW! Everyone's attention was riveted to that pastor. He sought out and delivered one of the most poignant funeral messages I (or anyone else in attendance) ever heard.
Few of our colleagues in this wonderfully rewarding field would consider the choice of a minister as a touchpoint of customer service.
But it is. It is such a make or break detail for the funeral experience to have the appropriate clergy or celebrant handling the service.
The clergyman in this instance is pretty much a "rent-a-collar" for families desiring short and sweet, or what he termed "Jesus-lite" services, and he does a phenomenal job most of the time...but he isn't for every family.
How much thought do you give to matching the pastor to the family (beyond the obvious of matching Baptist to Baptist, priest for the Catholics, etc.)? Do you match personalities and styles, too?
If your answer is no, then I must ask "Why not?"
Don't tell me it's too much work...if it's too much work for you to truly serve your families, get the hell out of the funeral business and go somewhere where they don't care about service, like the DMV or IRS.
If you simply don't have the resources in your area for your families, then it is up to you to polish and study up on your theology and literature. Serve a pastor-less family and wow them with your verbal prowess. And some day, when you and I are having a beer together, ask me about my "Apocalypse Now" eulogy.
I'm particularly proud of that one!
Here's to your success! I hope you are all doing well, and my prayers and warm thoughts go to my readers afflicted by the hurricane over the weekend.
Yours,
Dan
PS-The Guerrilla Director site is down for a while...I want to redo it. I'll let you know when it's back up and running. And I have a question...have you ever been invited to Arlington?
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Your thoughts would be appreciated...
Greetings, all!
Thanks to all of you who contacted me with intelligent questions and comments, and especially to those who showed patience with my not reealing the outcome of this paltry funereal dilemma...
To answer the burning question: the funeral home comped the services for the professional athlete-not the Katrina evacuee.
What do you think about that?
I think it shows that the priorities of that firm are more than slightly out of whack...but anyone who knows the firm in question probably isn't surprised by the decision.
I'd like others to weigh in. Was their decision right or wrong? What would you have done if you faced the same set of circumstances?
Am I off base in my judgement?
Is there a tasteful and morally acceptable way to make a decision like this and get good PR value from it? If so, how would it be done?
I know there are more than a few of you out there. Speak up and be heard. Act like you've got a set and voice your opinion!
Feel free to dazzle us with your tightly buttressed arguments and sparkling rhetoric!
Opine to your heart's content. I offer this blog as not only a mouthpiece, but a forum. I've got some of the best minds in our industry reading this.
Let's roll!
Peace out,
Dan
Thanks to all of you who contacted me with intelligent questions and comments, and especially to those who showed patience with my not reealing the outcome of this paltry funereal dilemma...
To answer the burning question: the funeral home comped the services for the professional athlete-not the Katrina evacuee.
What do you think about that?
I think it shows that the priorities of that firm are more than slightly out of whack...but anyone who knows the firm in question probably isn't surprised by the decision.
I'd like others to weigh in. Was their decision right or wrong? What would you have done if you faced the same set of circumstances?
Am I off base in my judgement?
Is there a tasteful and morally acceptable way to make a decision like this and get good PR value from it? If so, how would it be done?
I know there are more than a few of you out there. Speak up and be heard. Act like you've got a set and voice your opinion!
Feel free to dazzle us with your tightly buttressed arguments and sparkling rhetoric!
Opine to your heart's content. I offer this blog as not only a mouthpiece, but a forum. I've got some of the best minds in our industry reading this.
Let's roll!
Peace out,
Dan
Saturday, August 2, 2008
What would you do?
Good day, all!
Here's a bit of grist for the ol' mental mill. A real-life dilemma facing a real funeral home, and the real decisions made by the funeral home. A post in two parts.
Picture yourself as the owner of a funeral home who took the call that a professional athlete was killed while driving drunk and the family wants him shipped back home.
You also receive a call about a Hurricane Katrina evacuee that died in your area and her family wants her shipped back home.
Who do you ask to pay for your services?
What would YOU do and why?
Do we have a moral obligation to serve that overrules our business instincts?
Hmmmm...I just don't know. But I bet you do.
Fire away!
There's PR value for both, but which is the better choice? Which is the "RIGHT" choice?
Quite the quandary...I'll sit here and ponder that a while and wait to see what you say.
Regards,
Dan
PS- Best regards to Lenette and my old buddy in Ohio!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Is this thing on?
(Sounds of crickets chirping...footfalls coming closer...closer)
Hello?
Anyone there?
Still a bunch of cold, timid souls out there? Not a single taker on the leadership challenge?
Wow. Okay. How about a little boost from the ol' Rough Rider himself:
It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.
Anyone care enough to take a guess at the author? And why I might have selected this quote?
I'll just sit down here and wait...
(sounds of crickets and cicadas in the summer evening's heat, growing louder)
Hello?
Anyone there?
Still a bunch of cold, timid souls out there? Not a single taker on the leadership challenge?
Wow. Okay. How about a little boost from the ol' Rough Rider himself:
It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.
Anyone care enough to take a guess at the author? And why I might have selected this quote?
I'll just sit down here and wait...
(sounds of crickets and cicadas in the summer evening's heat, growing louder)
Friday, July 18, 2008
How the mighty fall....
Cool tidings, all!
I've been watching (with an slightly amused smile) the saga of the Cassitys and National Prearranged Services/Forever Enterprises....
Tee hee.
But before I rant too much, to be totally upfront I must say that I admire their amazing command of media manipulation...they knew who to spread the dollars to and when.
Disagree with me? Approach HBO and see how much it might cost you to have a documentary done about your firm, and then come talk to me.
And some of the less astute experts of our field who extolled the merits of these particular businessmen, well, they didn't examine the Forever Group much beyond the surface, did they?
Anyone who dealt with them as competitors or even just as interested outside observers could have told you their days were numbered.
Their business practices just didn't add up for a long term presence. They were quick buck artists that were robbing Peter to pay Paul. And I pity anyone who fell for the spiel from one of the tarts they sent around to prey on the embattled funeral home owner with promises of God only knows what...
Another black eye on our industry, courtesy of the Cassity family.
When are we gonna learn?
Dan
I've been watching (with an slightly amused smile) the saga of the Cassitys and National Prearranged Services/Forever Enterprises....
Tee hee.
But before I rant too much, to be totally upfront I must say that I admire their amazing command of media manipulation...they knew who to spread the dollars to and when.
Disagree with me? Approach HBO and see how much it might cost you to have a documentary done about your firm, and then come talk to me.
And some of the less astute experts of our field who extolled the merits of these particular businessmen, well, they didn't examine the Forever Group much beyond the surface, did they?
Anyone who dealt with them as competitors or even just as interested outside observers could have told you their days were numbered.
Their business practices just didn't add up for a long term presence. They were quick buck artists that were robbing Peter to pay Paul. And I pity anyone who fell for the spiel from one of the tarts they sent around to prey on the embattled funeral home owner with promises of God only knows what...
Another black eye on our industry, courtesy of the Cassity family.
When are we gonna learn?
Dan
Sunday, July 13, 2008
The Consuming Passion...
YAWP!
Remember from the film "Dead Poets Society" the barbaric YAWP scene?
The past few times I've sat down to slap around the English language and make a post, I've found myself returning to one common theme...
Leadership.
One powerful word three syllables long.
Leadership.
The one crucial and irreplaceable necessity for business success.
Leadership.
Many of you who read this blogs are leaders...or want to be.
I like writing this blog, because those of you who respond give me the gas to keep going, but I want to spend my energy wisely. I've go too many things pulling me in too many different directions. I want to make sure that this is a worthy effort. It stirs passion in my soul to write, but if it's not being read, it is a massive waste of energy.
I call upon you leaders out there, with my barbaric YAWP!!
Make yourselves known....show your solidarity with the ol' Guerrilla and post your thoughts on leadership...what it means to you...the power of passion in a leader.
Sound your barbaric YAWP to the world!
Let the world know that what you are doing is indeed a mountain worth dying on!
Like my previous video posts...Hoist the Colours and A lesson on leadership...
Show the readers of this blog what stirs your soul...anonymously if you must, but do it now!
You'll walk into work a different person tomorrow! I guarantee it.
Remember from the film "Dead Poets Society" the barbaric YAWP scene?
The past few times I've sat down to slap around the English language and make a post, I've found myself returning to one common theme...
Leadership.
One powerful word three syllables long.
Leadership.
The one crucial and irreplaceable necessity for business success.
Leadership.
Many of you who read this blogs are leaders...or want to be.
I like writing this blog, because those of you who respond give me the gas to keep going, but I want to spend my energy wisely. I've go too many things pulling me in too many different directions. I want to make sure that this is a worthy effort. It stirs passion in my soul to write, but if it's not being read, it is a massive waste of energy.
I call upon you leaders out there, with my barbaric YAWP!!
Make yourselves known....show your solidarity with the ol' Guerrilla and post your thoughts on leadership...what it means to you...the power of passion in a leader.
Sound your barbaric YAWP to the world!
Let the world know that what you are doing is indeed a mountain worth dying on!
Like my previous video posts...Hoist the Colours and A lesson on leadership...
Show the readers of this blog what stirs your soul...anonymously if you must, but do it now!
You'll walk into work a different person tomorrow! I guarantee it.
A lesson on leadership
If what you are doing stirs no passion in your soul...then what you are pursuing is unworthy of your time, energy and efforts.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Gorillas in the Mist
The first funeral home I worked at was a 135+ year old firm with multiple locations and a good reputation. Not great...just good. Out of town ownership and asinine management behaviors had allowed competitiors carte blanche to come in and take over the market. Call volume had fallen 50% in less than 10 years.
The ownership had sent in gorilla management and expected a miracle turnaround while basically tying the manager's hands and giving them nothing to accomplish said turnaround. Then, when no miracles appeared...a new gorilla charged in from the brush to take over the pack. Can't you almost hear Sir Elton singing "The Circle of Life"...
True guerrillas are leaders, regardless of their position in the company.
Most firms have a guerrilla or two in their ranks.
Most funeral homes are NOT managed by guerrillas. They are managed by GORILLAS. Sounds the same...but it ain't.
Gorillas will beat their chest, hoot, scream and do everything but offer a solution when problems come up.
They fling their offal at their employees to save themselves.
When in distress...they develop diarrhea and pungent body odor. But I digress.
Guerrillas are leaders first by nature...everything else can be taught to them.
Guerrillas are eager to learn, adapt, improve.
Gorillas fling poo.
Identify and nurture the guerrillas in your midst. Shake a tree branch and hoot at the gorillas in your mist. One will build your business. The other won't do a damned thing.
Hoot, hoot!
To your successful week!
Dan
The ownership had sent in gorilla management and expected a miracle turnaround while basically tying the manager's hands and giving them nothing to accomplish said turnaround. Then, when no miracles appeared...a new gorilla charged in from the brush to take over the pack. Can't you almost hear Sir Elton singing "The Circle of Life"...
True guerrillas are leaders, regardless of their position in the company.
Most firms have a guerrilla or two in their ranks.
Most funeral homes are NOT managed by guerrillas. They are managed by GORILLAS. Sounds the same...but it ain't.
Gorillas will beat their chest, hoot, scream and do everything but offer a solution when problems come up.
They fling their offal at their employees to save themselves.
When in distress...they develop diarrhea and pungent body odor. But I digress.
Guerrillas are leaders first by nature...everything else can be taught to them.
Guerrillas are eager to learn, adapt, improve.
Gorillas fling poo.
Identify and nurture the guerrillas in your midst. Shake a tree branch and hoot at the gorillas in your mist. One will build your business. The other won't do a damned thing.
Hoot, hoot!
To your successful week!
Dan
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I hope you enjoyed my guest blogger....
Greetings, good and gentle readers!
Please accept my apologies for my long, unexcused absence from this blog. I would to thank Mr. Marcel Marceau for his willingness to fill in as guest blogger during my hiatus.
Gently put, I ran out of gas. Some more health problems in the family and a breakneck pace at work, very little sleep AND a serious jones to do some fiction writing all culminated in a perfect storm where it was all I could do to finish my entry for the Writer's Digest Writing Competition on deadline and send a few articles in to Funeral Business Advisor all at the expense of my blog and its band of happy readers.
So with that being said, I'd like to let you know that I've completed the tasks I set out to do (including a racy entry into the aforementioned writing competition, which is something I spoke of doing for years but never did until now) and my family is healing (so I'm out of the running for SOB of the Year, just ask my wife.)
My question to you is...what have you been putting off doing for your business?
And what's stopping you?
In the spirit of the Guerrilla Director you know it's time to take action!
Hoist the Colours!
Dan
Please accept my apologies for my long, unexcused absence from this blog. I would to thank Mr. Marcel Marceau for his willingness to fill in as guest blogger during my hiatus.
Gently put, I ran out of gas. Some more health problems in the family and a breakneck pace at work, very little sleep AND a serious jones to do some fiction writing all culminated in a perfect storm where it was all I could do to finish my entry for the Writer's Digest Writing Competition on deadline and send a few articles in to Funeral Business Advisor all at the expense of my blog and its band of happy readers.
So with that being said, I'd like to let you know that I've completed the tasks I set out to do (including a racy entry into the aforementioned writing competition, which is something I spoke of doing for years but never did until now) and my family is healing (so I'm out of the running for SOB of the Year, just ask my wife.)
My question to you is...what have you been putting off doing for your business?
And what's stopping you?
In the spirit of the Guerrilla Director you know it's time to take action!
Hoist the Colours!
Dan
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Fear and Loathing in the Funeral Business....
If you wonder if he's gone to Heaven or Hell — rest assured he will check out them both, find out which one Richard Milhous Nixon went to — and go there.-Ralph Steadman on Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
Greetings, good and gentle readers! Fulsome, abject apologies for the extended absence...I grovel. I abase myself before you.
Don't think that I didn't hear the crickets chirping on this blog, too. I was troubled by my lack of time and energy for this last month. I'll only accept responsibility for February...
January was a blur with client visits, consultations, travel and other related insanity.
Is all forgiven? Good. Let's resume class then, shall we?
Whom does the Guerrilla Director admire? I admire visionaries, rebels, raconteurs, enlightened rogues and originals...one man in particular fits all of these.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. One of a few true American originals.
While there are some who claim to live life on their own terms, 99% of those (yours truly, included) are chained and restrained. By marriage. By societal norms. By professional concerns (licensure, fear of censure or censorship). By the almighty dollar.
HST bowed to none.
Jail, unemployment, divorce, poverty. He regarded these as fleeting...like farts in a whirlwind.
He didn't go out of his way to be a bastard. He simply went out of his way to go his own way.
He carried the colors for the first wave of the baby boomers to hit the shores of mortality a few years back. Actually, he was born before the official begin of the BB generation, but immersed himself in the cultures that enveloped the BBs during the '60s, '70s and those weird years in-between.
In 2005, he left this world with a gunshot described by his son (who was in the other room) as sounding like a book hitting the floor. The poetry of the description would have pleased HST, exiting the same way he travelled.
His own way.
The last sound of the writer was that of a book hitting the floor.
His funeral was the subject of a film by Wayne Ewing entitled "When I Die." It followed the planning of HST's farewell service and the Gonzo Memorial. I highly recommend it for anyone as a study of this up and coming tsunami of clients following in HST's footsteps: Self-motivated, self-indulgent people looking for their own Gonzo Memorial.
I've encountered a few of these in my time.
One lady asking to be scattered off the top of the Stratosphere Hotel and Casino in Vegas.
Another wanting a horse-drawn funeral procession, complete with police escort (on horseback, of course).
A gentleman requesting a traditional Viking funeral.
These are true gems, but you'll also meet more common folks like the wonderful woman who wanted the full traditional service with a $5500.00 solid cherry casket which she cremated her husband in after all was finished. (The hand-wringing rube I worked for at the time was actually UPSET by this. Say what? Don't we wish all cremation families chose full traditional services with a solid cherry casket?)
What would your response be to these folks? Laughter, I hope. As in "laughing all the way to bank."
You see, these good people want what they want, and they are NOT, I repeat NOT afraid of a big tab for their requests. They are also not afraid to search outside of their neighborhood for a provider to give them what they want.
Are you the director to tell them no? Or are you the go-to guy who says "let's see how far we can go with it!"
The good news for you, guerrilla, is that we have so many, many lazy, stupid and unoriginal colleagues in this business who would much rather say "no" and go back to their newspaper or computer Solitaire. You are very likely to get the call instead of them.
The guy who says no quickly fades from memory. The go to guy is the first one to get the call from the family friend who loved what they saw at HST-style service.
Don't forget to laugh on the way to the bank.
Yours in profit,
Dan
PS - Here's a little HST to send us out right:
"Walk tall, kick ass and take no guff from those swine..."
Thanks, Hunter. That's about all for now.
D
Greetings, good and gentle readers! Fulsome, abject apologies for the extended absence...I grovel. I abase myself before you.
Don't think that I didn't hear the crickets chirping on this blog, too. I was troubled by my lack of time and energy for this last month. I'll only accept responsibility for February...
January was a blur with client visits, consultations, travel and other related insanity.
Is all forgiven? Good. Let's resume class then, shall we?
Whom does the Guerrilla Director admire? I admire visionaries, rebels, raconteurs, enlightened rogues and originals...one man in particular fits all of these.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. One of a few true American originals.
While there are some who claim to live life on their own terms, 99% of those (yours truly, included) are chained and restrained. By marriage. By societal norms. By professional concerns (licensure, fear of censure or censorship). By the almighty dollar.
HST bowed to none.
Jail, unemployment, divorce, poverty. He regarded these as fleeting...like farts in a whirlwind.
He didn't go out of his way to be a bastard. He simply went out of his way to go his own way.
He carried the colors for the first wave of the baby boomers to hit the shores of mortality a few years back. Actually, he was born before the official begin of the BB generation, but immersed himself in the cultures that enveloped the BBs during the '60s, '70s and those weird years in-between.
In 2005, he left this world with a gunshot described by his son (who was in the other room) as sounding like a book hitting the floor. The poetry of the description would have pleased HST, exiting the same way he travelled.
His own way.
The last sound of the writer was that of a book hitting the floor.
His funeral was the subject of a film by Wayne Ewing entitled "When I Die." It followed the planning of HST's farewell service and the Gonzo Memorial. I highly recommend it for anyone as a study of this up and coming tsunami of clients following in HST's footsteps: Self-motivated, self-indulgent people looking for their own Gonzo Memorial.
I've encountered a few of these in my time.
One lady asking to be scattered off the top of the Stratosphere Hotel and Casino in Vegas.
Another wanting a horse-drawn funeral procession, complete with police escort (on horseback, of course).
A gentleman requesting a traditional Viking funeral.
These are true gems, but you'll also meet more common folks like the wonderful woman who wanted the full traditional service with a $5500.00 solid cherry casket which she cremated her husband in after all was finished. (The hand-wringing rube I worked for at the time was actually UPSET by this. Say what? Don't we wish all cremation families chose full traditional services with a solid cherry casket?)
What would your response be to these folks? Laughter, I hope. As in "laughing all the way to bank."
You see, these good people want what they want, and they are NOT, I repeat NOT afraid of a big tab for their requests. They are also not afraid to search outside of their neighborhood for a provider to give them what they want.
Are you the director to tell them no? Or are you the go-to guy who says "let's see how far we can go with it!"
The good news for you, guerrilla, is that we have so many, many lazy, stupid and unoriginal colleagues in this business who would much rather say "no" and go back to their newspaper or computer Solitaire. You are very likely to get the call instead of them.
The guy who says no quickly fades from memory. The go to guy is the first one to get the call from the family friend who loved what they saw at HST-style service.
Don't forget to laugh on the way to the bank.
Yours in profit,
Dan
PS - Here's a little HST to send us out right:
"Walk tall, kick ass and take no guff from those swine..."
Thanks, Hunter. That's about all for now.
D
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Boost Your Profit by Thousands With A Phone Call!
Happy new year to all!
I hope you've tossed your resolutions to the wayside already...heaven knows I have!
2008 has officially begun. This is the year for the brave souls to really knuckle under and push their businesses beyond all expectations...make more money...make your competitor sweat bullets on sleepless nights...
2008 is the year of the guerrilla!
The guerrilla mindset dropkicks convention and academia right in the pants and opts for the proven, the bold and the innovative.
Your first step?
Stop repeating past mistakes. Don't throw good money after bad. Sacrifice the lamb of ego to the gods of profit!
How does one do that?
Take a good hard look at what marketing tools you employ. Ads, spots, mailings, etc. What's working for you? What isn't?
Immediately drop any piece that you cannot measure results from!
The largest, most offensive WASTE of your marketing dollar?
That innocuous little publication known as the...the phone book.
There are a boatload of "experts" out there that continue to make money for themselves (and Yellow Page sales reps) by pushing this reference book as a sales tool for funeral homes.
Obviously, anyone who has spent any sort of time in this field knows, or should know, that the Yellow Pages is not effective as a marketing tool for a fully-branded funeral home. Unless your firm is the new kid on the block, stop wasting your money! Large ads in the Yellow Pages only benefit the people who sell you the ads!
Last year, I was contacted by one of these "experts" who claimed he could make my Yellow Pages ad into a virtual ATM for the funeral home.
Ummm...yeah. Okay. So give me the name of one of your funeral home clients who has used your ideas and benefitted from it.
Never heard from him again.
People outside of the funeral industry think that you can market us like plumbers, or lawyers or roofers.
CLUELESS! Each and every one of them!
You know why? They've never spent one day in the practical reality inside of a funeral home.
Unless you've spent some time in this field (not simply as an interested observer from the sidelines) you really have no idea what it takes to market a funeral home.
My personal favorite of the clueless options is their suggestion of a special phone number (just for their ad!) so you can track the number of calls generated by that ad.
Now, why in the hell would you want to risk confusing customers who have read/heard/dialed your current number already by introducing a completely different number into the equation?
And even if you do use that different number, is there any reliable way to measure if those calls have translated into sales? Not that I've seen!
And here's what really tells me how much is overspent on Yellow Pages ads...
Go look up Coca-Cola's phone number...or Home Depot....or McDonald's....IN THE YELLOW PAGES.
Bet I can guess what you found: A small ad or in-column listing. Their other marketing efforts support them, not the Yellow Pages. So do yours!
Make sure you have a PRESENCE in the Yellow Pages...a small in-column ad or even a bold listing if you can swing it. Your customers are not going to trade your superior service and comfortable familiarity for your competitor's big pretty ad.
Let him waste his money. Don't let your ego confuse the issue. Call your local Yellow Pages rep and thank him kindly, but for the next directory, you're going to keep it small and simple.
You've just added thousands to your profits!
You're welcome!
I hope you've got fire in your belly for the coming year! It's going to be your best ever!
Here's to us in 2008!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
The Guerrilla Director
PS-I wanted a little extra proof about this theory...I looked up the phone company in their own directory and guess what...a small in-column ad!
Tells you something, doesn't it?
PPS-Church bulletins are highly suspect as far as marketing value, too! There are more powerful ways to connect with that church body than a dinky, useless ad just BEGGING to be ignored!
I hope you've tossed your resolutions to the wayside already...heaven knows I have!
2008 has officially begun. This is the year for the brave souls to really knuckle under and push their businesses beyond all expectations...make more money...make your competitor sweat bullets on sleepless nights...
2008 is the year of the guerrilla!
The guerrilla mindset dropkicks convention and academia right in the pants and opts for the proven, the bold and the innovative.
Your first step?
Stop repeating past mistakes. Don't throw good money after bad. Sacrifice the lamb of ego to the gods of profit!
How does one do that?
Take a good hard look at what marketing tools you employ. Ads, spots, mailings, etc. What's working for you? What isn't?
Immediately drop any piece that you cannot measure results from!
The largest, most offensive WASTE of your marketing dollar?
That innocuous little publication known as the...the phone book.
There are a boatload of "experts" out there that continue to make money for themselves (and Yellow Page sales reps) by pushing this reference book as a sales tool for funeral homes.
Obviously, anyone who has spent any sort of time in this field knows, or should know, that the Yellow Pages is not effective as a marketing tool for a fully-branded funeral home. Unless your firm is the new kid on the block, stop wasting your money! Large ads in the Yellow Pages only benefit the people who sell you the ads!
Last year, I was contacted by one of these "experts" who claimed he could make my Yellow Pages ad into a virtual ATM for the funeral home.
Ummm...yeah. Okay. So give me the name of one of your funeral home clients who has used your ideas and benefitted from it.
Never heard from him again.
People outside of the funeral industry think that you can market us like plumbers, or lawyers or roofers.
CLUELESS! Each and every one of them!
You know why? They've never spent one day in the practical reality inside of a funeral home.
Unless you've spent some time in this field (not simply as an interested observer from the sidelines) you really have no idea what it takes to market a funeral home.
My personal favorite of the clueless options is their suggestion of a special phone number (just for their ad!) so you can track the number of calls generated by that ad.
Now, why in the hell would you want to risk confusing customers who have read/heard/dialed your current number already by introducing a completely different number into the equation?
And even if you do use that different number, is there any reliable way to measure if those calls have translated into sales? Not that I've seen!
And here's what really tells me how much is overspent on Yellow Pages ads...
Go look up Coca-Cola's phone number...or Home Depot....or McDonald's....IN THE YELLOW PAGES.
Bet I can guess what you found: A small ad or in-column listing. Their other marketing efforts support them, not the Yellow Pages. So do yours!
Make sure you have a PRESENCE in the Yellow Pages...a small in-column ad or even a bold listing if you can swing it. Your customers are not going to trade your superior service and comfortable familiarity for your competitor's big pretty ad.
Let him waste his money. Don't let your ego confuse the issue. Call your local Yellow Pages rep and thank him kindly, but for the next directory, you're going to keep it small and simple.
You've just added thousands to your profits!
You're welcome!
I hope you've got fire in your belly for the coming year! It's going to be your best ever!
Here's to us in 2008!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
The Guerrilla Director
PS-I wanted a little extra proof about this theory...I looked up the phone company in their own directory and guess what...a small in-column ad!
Tells you something, doesn't it?
PPS-Church bulletins are highly suspect as far as marketing value, too! There are more powerful ways to connect with that church body than a dinky, useless ad just BEGGING to be ignored!
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