I've been feeling weird and detached all day today. A phone call I just received confirms why.
Dave was a great embalmer and one of the funniest people I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. It's almost impossible to describe him, and it's my firm belief that only people who had the privilege of experiencing him can understand what a loss we've just incurred.
Dave explained to me long before his cancer diagnosis that it was his mission (completed mission, I might add) to do everything he wanted to do in his life before the age of 50. That way, every day after 50 was just a bonus. He lived his life truly and fully, and only on his terms.
All of us should have such character and determination.
After his diagnosis, he described the side effects of one of his more radical treatments in quite possibly the funniest statements I've ever heard, but just too raw to write here, even for my standards.
I'm at a loss for any other words to write. Dave, I'll miss you. The world doesn't change... but it certainly has less in it without you.
I'm cracking a beer or two for you tonight. No one could hit 'em with the powder puff like you. You beat fifty and almost made sixty.
Mission accomplished.
Godspeed.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
An Extended Absence... Morons Playing on the Field of Dreams
You know, even the old Guerrilla himself tires of trying to bail out the feeble-minded, the exceptionally egotistical and the just plain stupid. After a string of absolutely mind-numbing encounters with funeral home owners whose egos are writing checks that their asses can't cash, I had to throw up my hands. The final straw was a fine group of gentlemen who contacted me 1 year into their business venture.
No business plan. No funeral home experience. Just self-styled "expertise" and the grand delusion that their shiny new facility would shut the established firm in town down, post-haste. And in their wisdom, a barely five digit marketing budget.
How, may I ask, can anyone in this day, age and economy still be relying on the Field of Dreams business plan?
If we build it, they will come.
Excuse me while I throw up.
That is the worst kind of all the kinds of self-deluded bullshit out there. Pardon the language, but I have got to get a point across. A new building or bigger parking lot isn't going to bring the world beating a path to your door...regardless of what the "expert" told you.
It's about connections. Any chimp with a bank account can hire a contractor to build an International House o' Funerals... it takes a true professional with skill, experience and compassion to elevate the business. Give me a true pro with an old building and an "expert" with a new building and I will show you how the pro whips the new guy's ass every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
People have swarmed into this field in hordes from other professions as the tech bubble burst or from the intellectual backwater of academia and proclaimed themselves experts. Some of these clowns don't even have a professional license or those that do are barely five years into their career and tout themselves as "experts."
These experts are ruining the profession. They're lazy and/or clueless. You don't get to be an expert five years in. Come talk to me when you've got at least a decade of actual day-to-day funeral home experience and then MAYBE we'll use the 'E' word.
Don't be fooled by the wanna-bees. They talk people into doing moronic things, like building new places without a business plan.
And for the guy who told me he has allocated $10,000 to fix his sinking business, let me say this: don't give me the 10k, give it to a good bankruptcy lawyer. Who might save your ass and some of your assets.
And for the rest of you...the Field of Dreams is fiction. Just like a successful business with an "expert" at the helm. The time has come to wake up. The economy is not getting any better. If you have hired one of these clowns, I pity you. Give me a call. I must just help you for free.
Let's be more careful out there, shall we?
No business plan. No funeral home experience. Just self-styled "expertise" and the grand delusion that their shiny new facility would shut the established firm in town down, post-haste. And in their wisdom, a barely five digit marketing budget.
How, may I ask, can anyone in this day, age and economy still be relying on the Field of Dreams business plan?
If we build it, they will come.
Excuse me while I throw up.
That is the worst kind of all the kinds of self-deluded bullshit out there. Pardon the language, but I have got to get a point across. A new building or bigger parking lot isn't going to bring the world beating a path to your door...regardless of what the "expert" told you.
It's about connections. Any chimp with a bank account can hire a contractor to build an International House o' Funerals... it takes a true professional with skill, experience and compassion to elevate the business. Give me a true pro with an old building and an "expert" with a new building and I will show you how the pro whips the new guy's ass every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
People have swarmed into this field in hordes from other professions as the tech bubble burst or from the intellectual backwater of academia and proclaimed themselves experts. Some of these clowns don't even have a professional license or those that do are barely five years into their career and tout themselves as "experts."
These experts are ruining the profession. They're lazy and/or clueless. You don't get to be an expert five years in. Come talk to me when you've got at least a decade of actual day-to-day funeral home experience and then MAYBE we'll use the 'E' word.
Don't be fooled by the wanna-bees. They talk people into doing moronic things, like building new places without a business plan.
And for the guy who told me he has allocated $10,000 to fix his sinking business, let me say this: don't give me the 10k, give it to a good bankruptcy lawyer. Who might save your ass and some of your assets.
And for the rest of you...the Field of Dreams is fiction. Just like a successful business with an "expert" at the helm. The time has come to wake up. The economy is not getting any better. If you have hired one of these clowns, I pity you. Give me a call. I must just help you for free.
Let's be more careful out there, shall we?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The end of an era...
Greetings good readers,
Never one to ignore the blogical muse when she slaps me, I felt compelled to write this today.
Yesterday, I buried an old friend. Tom was instrumental in my formative years as a funeral apprentice. He taught me lot, both in what to do and what to never do.
He was the antithesis of the stuffy undertaker. He was big, loud and brash. He sang too loud at Masses, his blue eyes danced with mischief and when that was matched with one of his Cheshire grins, you knew you were in for trouble! He talked to himself a lot and had a nearly photographic memory for names, faces, and funeral details.
And most families loved him. Most.
Tom was very funny and charming at a time when most didn't expect wit and charm. It put some off, but for the rest Tom would be the funeral director of choice the next time the family lost a loved one.
I saw Tom (or Big Tom, as most people knew him) turn a gaggle of elderly nuns into giggly schoolgirls with an inaudible (and probably bawdy) joke. I saw him hand a particularly crabby priest a business card that said "Jesus Loves You" on one side and "Everyone Else Thinks You're An Asshole" on the other side.
The priest loved it.
It became a long running joke with that priest and our firm to say "Jesus loves you" when he would get in the lead car on the way to the cemetery.
Tom also delighted in handing unsuspecting folks huddled around the outdoor ashtray urns a card that said "Thanks for smoking. From your local undertaker."
He would go to great lengths to get me (or others) to laugh at inappropriate times during a funeral. If you managed to hold it together, he would take that as the gauntlet being thrown down and redouble his efforts.
He got me once. ONCE.
Tom and I worked the front door one busy Sunday afternoon. An ancient gentleman slowly worked his way up the steps. Tom grandly swung the door open and said to the gent "Take all the time you need. I'm here 'til 5."
To which the man smiled and said "It's good to see you, Tom." Tom looked at him and his face changed.
Then Tom said, "Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was YOU. You old bastard, I thought you were dead." A hearty back pat, a Big Tom smile and a "Take care of yourself" from Tom as the man headed back to the visitation room. The old man seemed genuinely pleased and comforted that Tom recognized him.
"Who was that, Tom?" I was unsure that what I saw actually had just happened.
Tom stared far out the window and after a minute said, "I have no idea."
Tom's one downfall was never knowing when to be himself and when not to be himself. If Tom had known how to govern himself, he would have owned the city funeral business. He would have taken it by storm.
One of the most successful funeral home owners in this city is famous for joking and buying rounds of drinks at bars. Maybe it is some sort of St. Louis anomaly, but people seem to enjoy working with someone who isn't afraid to utilize some well-placed humor and irreverence.
What's the lesson here? Maybe it's time to channel a little Tom into your style. People love professionals, but people love REAL people more. Tom was real. He laughed with them, wept with them, he held the widow's hand during the walk to the gravesite. No one ever accused him of being a stuffy phony, which is a persona many suspect of our profession.
Be real. Add just a drop of Tom - but carefully. A little goes a long way.
Jesus loves you, Tom. Say Hi to Father Good for all of us down here.
Your friend,
Dan
PS - To all the readers out there, I want to share one more event - Tom taught me never to say no to a lunch invitation or a drink when proffered by a family. Never say no but find believable and genuine reasons to decline, because some ethnic groups in our city would take that as an egregious slap in the face to just say no. And you would have never got a dime of their business again...nor any of their friends or relatives.
That being said, true to form Tom and I accepted a family's lunch invitation and agreed that we would sit off to the side and slide quietly out after we had eaten.
So there we sat, enjoying the traditional south St. Louis church funeral lunch of rubbery roast beef and mostaccioli when he and I saw the children of the deceased all pick up their plates and walk over to our table to sit down and eat with us. What followed was a bit overwhelming, but many, many verbal thanks culminated in the family taking pictures with us...which they sent copies of in the long thank you letter that arrived a couple of weeks later.
Yeah. That really happened. And that was the Tom effect in purest form.
Happy August! I bid you all much success in the coming months.
D
PPS - Tom also taught me the only proper drink to allow a family to buy you was Scotch on the rocks. Good call, Tom!
Never one to ignore the blogical muse when she slaps me, I felt compelled to write this today.
Yesterday, I buried an old friend. Tom was instrumental in my formative years as a funeral apprentice. He taught me lot, both in what to do and what to never do.
He was the antithesis of the stuffy undertaker. He was big, loud and brash. He sang too loud at Masses, his blue eyes danced with mischief and when that was matched with one of his Cheshire grins, you knew you were in for trouble! He talked to himself a lot and had a nearly photographic memory for names, faces, and funeral details.
And most families loved him. Most.
Tom was very funny and charming at a time when most didn't expect wit and charm. It put some off, but for the rest Tom would be the funeral director of choice the next time the family lost a loved one.
I saw Tom (or Big Tom, as most people knew him) turn a gaggle of elderly nuns into giggly schoolgirls with an inaudible (and probably bawdy) joke. I saw him hand a particularly crabby priest a business card that said "Jesus Loves You" on one side and "Everyone Else Thinks You're An Asshole" on the other side.
The priest loved it.
It became a long running joke with that priest and our firm to say "Jesus loves you" when he would get in the lead car on the way to the cemetery.
Tom also delighted in handing unsuspecting folks huddled around the outdoor ashtray urns a card that said "Thanks for smoking. From your local undertaker."
He would go to great lengths to get me (or others) to laugh at inappropriate times during a funeral. If you managed to hold it together, he would take that as the gauntlet being thrown down and redouble his efforts.
He got me once. ONCE.
Tom and I worked the front door one busy Sunday afternoon. An ancient gentleman slowly worked his way up the steps. Tom grandly swung the door open and said to the gent "Take all the time you need. I'm here 'til 5."
To which the man smiled and said "It's good to see you, Tom." Tom looked at him and his face changed.
Then Tom said, "Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was YOU. You old bastard, I thought you were dead." A hearty back pat, a Big Tom smile and a "Take care of yourself" from Tom as the man headed back to the visitation room. The old man seemed genuinely pleased and comforted that Tom recognized him.
"Who was that, Tom?" I was unsure that what I saw actually had just happened.
Tom stared far out the window and after a minute said, "I have no idea."
Tom's one downfall was never knowing when to be himself and when not to be himself. If Tom had known how to govern himself, he would have owned the city funeral business. He would have taken it by storm.
One of the most successful funeral home owners in this city is famous for joking and buying rounds of drinks at bars. Maybe it is some sort of St. Louis anomaly, but people seem to enjoy working with someone who isn't afraid to utilize some well-placed humor and irreverence.
What's the lesson here? Maybe it's time to channel a little Tom into your style. People love professionals, but people love REAL people more. Tom was real. He laughed with them, wept with them, he held the widow's hand during the walk to the gravesite. No one ever accused him of being a stuffy phony, which is a persona many suspect of our profession.
Be real. Add just a drop of Tom - but carefully. A little goes a long way.
Jesus loves you, Tom. Say Hi to Father Good for all of us down here.
Your friend,
Dan
PS - To all the readers out there, I want to share one more event - Tom taught me never to say no to a lunch invitation or a drink when proffered by a family. Never say no but find believable and genuine reasons to decline, because some ethnic groups in our city would take that as an egregious slap in the face to just say no. And you would have never got a dime of their business again...nor any of their friends or relatives.
That being said, true to form Tom and I accepted a family's lunch invitation and agreed that we would sit off to the side and slide quietly out after we had eaten.
So there we sat, enjoying the traditional south St. Louis church funeral lunch of rubbery roast beef and mostaccioli when he and I saw the children of the deceased all pick up their plates and walk over to our table to sit down and eat with us. What followed was a bit overwhelming, but many, many verbal thanks culminated in the family taking pictures with us...which they sent copies of in the long thank you letter that arrived a couple of weeks later.
Yeah. That really happened. And that was the Tom effect in purest form.
Happy August! I bid you all much success in the coming months.
D
PPS - Tom also taught me the only proper drink to allow a family to buy you was Scotch on the rocks. Good call, Tom!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Discount vs. Differentiation
Good morning, Guerrillas!
One of my first clients was in an ultra-competitive market...really, imagine the World Series/Super Bowl/Lower Oakland Roller Derby all rolled in to one.
This firm was and continues to be world-class as a performer...as does their competitor. Each tiny bit of market share is hard won and guarded fiercely with politely bared fangs...
Even after an on-site visit, I could only make small suggestions to this firm, as they were already doing most of what I would have suggested them to do. They were already on their A-game...as was their competitor. They do have an edge that the competitor doesn't. They seek the counsel of almost every expert in the field that they can find.
Is this an inexpensive process? No. Does it pay dividends? It most certainly would have to or they wouldn't still do it. They are CONSTANTLY stretching, reaching and growing their arsenal on every front. They don't bring a knife to a gunfight. It keeps them from trying to compete on lower levels of the playing field, such as the time-honored tradition of discounting one's services to win a price shopper.
One of my earliest mentors in the business would snarl and gnash his teeth every time he would hear of our firm getting into a bidding war with another firm.
"What are we? Hookers? Car Salesmen?" He would growl, grumble and fume.
You see, we could honestly say that we did a superior job to our main competitor. But our management was absolutely petrified to stand up and say that to a price-shopper. Not even the old "remember-you get what you pay for" chestnut.
Don't discount yourself. Differentiate your firm. Make your customer experience superior, superlative and sublime. Fulfill needs that they don't even know they have. It isn't always in grand sweeping gestures. Disney doesn't create ONE BIG EVENT for you to experience to make you want to come back. They know that loyal raving fans are made when you string a bunch a small moments together that are made magical with just a little effort.
And Disney does not compete on price...you know that and I know that. They dominate by providing an unparalleled experience.
You too can dominate your market in the same way. Do all the things your competitor isn't able or willing to do. *WARNING* It means being extra perceptive and working your ass off. But it pays dividends in the end.
Hardcore price shoppers are usually not worth your time. They want every thing in the world and don't want to pay for it. Even if you make their experience breathtakingly memorable, some of them will still run to the guy down the street next time to save $100 bucks. In fact, I'm sure there are even a few of them that cannot believe that they can't find someone to pay THEM for the privilege of cremating their mama...
The new economy is creating a new breed of these shoppers. Some of these can be won by merely explaining how you are better and why the price variance is justified. But it can't be all talk. You got to prove to them that you were worth it. Do it! DANGER!!! If you really aren't worth the price difference, they'll sniff you out in a second and complain to a hundred people about how you lied and cheated just to get their money...
For many, price is merely an objection. Find out what is behind that objection and you can successfully negotiate around it. Maybe they had a bad experience with a competitor (a firm they may have used for generations) and are looking for an excuse to make a switch. Most people don't know how to go about making a move like this (especially with death imminent) so they fall back on price alone.
Don't be afraid to to use this line (or your own variation thereof) "I don't want you to make a mistake or choose the wrong funeral provider based just on price when there are so many other factors to consider as well (insert your reasoning here).
Plant the seed of doubt...but gently. Most have never given thought to the possibility that choosing the lowest cost provider might just be a grave mistake. (I'll groan for you.)
Handle these dealings delicately. Fight for the RIGHT price-shoppers, but learn to cut loose the ones who aren't worth your time and energy.
When you create the right experience for them, the next time their need rolls around, price should be much less of an issue for them.
As always, I toast your success and remain,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
PS - Down below look for a bit of advice for dealing with the bottom feeders of your marketplace competition...The Chicago Way: courtesy of Mr. Connery!
One of my first clients was in an ultra-competitive market...really, imagine the World Series/Super Bowl/Lower Oakland Roller Derby all rolled in to one.
This firm was and continues to be world-class as a performer...as does their competitor. Each tiny bit of market share is hard won and guarded fiercely with politely bared fangs...
Even after an on-site visit, I could only make small suggestions to this firm, as they were already doing most of what I would have suggested them to do. They were already on their A-game...as was their competitor. They do have an edge that the competitor doesn't. They seek the counsel of almost every expert in the field that they can find.
Is this an inexpensive process? No. Does it pay dividends? It most certainly would have to or they wouldn't still do it. They are CONSTANTLY stretching, reaching and growing their arsenal on every front. They don't bring a knife to a gunfight. It keeps them from trying to compete on lower levels of the playing field, such as the time-honored tradition of discounting one's services to win a price shopper.
One of my earliest mentors in the business would snarl and gnash his teeth every time he would hear of our firm getting into a bidding war with another firm.
"What are we? Hookers? Car Salesmen?" He would growl, grumble and fume.
You see, we could honestly say that we did a superior job to our main competitor. But our management was absolutely petrified to stand up and say that to a price-shopper. Not even the old "remember-you get what you pay for" chestnut.
Don't discount yourself. Differentiate your firm. Make your customer experience superior, superlative and sublime. Fulfill needs that they don't even know they have. It isn't always in grand sweeping gestures. Disney doesn't create ONE BIG EVENT for you to experience to make you want to come back. They know that loyal raving fans are made when you string a bunch a small moments together that are made magical with just a little effort.
And Disney does not compete on price...you know that and I know that. They dominate by providing an unparalleled experience.
You too can dominate your market in the same way. Do all the things your competitor isn't able or willing to do. *WARNING* It means being extra perceptive and working your ass off. But it pays dividends in the end.
Hardcore price shoppers are usually not worth your time. They want every thing in the world and don't want to pay for it. Even if you make their experience breathtakingly memorable, some of them will still run to the guy down the street next time to save $100 bucks. In fact, I'm sure there are even a few of them that cannot believe that they can't find someone to pay THEM for the privilege of cremating their mama...
The new economy is creating a new breed of these shoppers. Some of these can be won by merely explaining how you are better and why the price variance is justified. But it can't be all talk. You got to prove to them that you were worth it. Do it! DANGER!!! If you really aren't worth the price difference, they'll sniff you out in a second and complain to a hundred people about how you lied and cheated just to get their money...
For many, price is merely an objection. Find out what is behind that objection and you can successfully negotiate around it. Maybe they had a bad experience with a competitor (a firm they may have used for generations) and are looking for an excuse to make a switch. Most people don't know how to go about making a move like this (especially with death imminent) so they fall back on price alone.
Don't be afraid to to use this line (or your own variation thereof) "I don't want you to make a mistake or choose the wrong funeral provider based just on price when there are so many other factors to consider as well (insert your reasoning here).
Plant the seed of doubt...but gently. Most have never given thought to the possibility that choosing the lowest cost provider might just be a grave mistake. (I'll groan for you.)
Handle these dealings delicately. Fight for the RIGHT price-shoppers, but learn to cut loose the ones who aren't worth your time and energy.
When you create the right experience for them, the next time their need rolls around, price should be much less of an issue for them.
As always, I toast your success and remain,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
PS - Down below look for a bit of advice for dealing with the bottom feeders of your marketplace competition...The Chicago Way: courtesy of Mr. Connery!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Violence in the Funeral Workplace
The busy season lies just ahead for most of you...that time when the phone never stops and the prep room is always full and incessant floral deliveries...
Pressure...sometimes of nearly geologic proportions...
Our business is a natural pressure cooker. It can break the best of us. It can turn an ordinarily disciplined staff into a bunch of poo-flinging fraternity monkeys.
Adding the pressure of busier times can really get ugly.
Now, to be clear, I am not speaking of some Fort Hood-type situation...but I am addressing the destructive and demoralizing everyday haranguement and hostility that needs to be removed from your workplace.
After meeting with good friends over good drink last week, and be regaled by the tales of intolerable behavior (often acted out in front of ownership and management types), I see this being a situation that is probably far from unique.
Hopefully, you have a handle on it. You squash the actions before it festers into something that will land you in court...like sexual harassment, intimidation, a "hostile workplace" or any of their bastard relatives.
Strictly enforcing your firm's code of ethics (which should have a section on peer treatment & respect-if it doesn't, get one in there. Now.)
Don't run the risk of damaging the staff you have worked so hard to develop (remember the Guerrillas in the Midst post?), don't risk the liability that a damaged staff could drop the ball on something big (and land your butt in the middle of a legal and PR nightmare) and don't make a bunch of lawyers rich because a pissed-off ex-employee got fed up with the monkeys and your lack of management skills/guts etc.
Violence doesn't always mean gunfire...don't be foolish enough to ignore what's going down inside your own walls.
To end this tome with a more usual tone, don't forget the true meaning of the coming Thursday. Even if the picture isn't perfect and some challenges are facing you, be thankful you have the ability to face them. Be thankful for whatever good the past year has brought you. Being thankful lets the Powers that be know that you appreciate the blessings they have delivered to you, and that's frees them to send more. Read the Prayer of Jabez if you need an additional lift.
All the best to you,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
Pressure...sometimes of nearly geologic proportions...
Our business is a natural pressure cooker. It can break the best of us. It can turn an ordinarily disciplined staff into a bunch of poo-flinging fraternity monkeys.
Adding the pressure of busier times can really get ugly.
Now, to be clear, I am not speaking of some Fort Hood-type situation...but I am addressing the destructive and demoralizing everyday haranguement and hostility that needs to be removed from your workplace.
After meeting with good friends over good drink last week, and be regaled by the tales of intolerable behavior (often acted out in front of ownership and management types), I see this being a situation that is probably far from unique.
Hopefully, you have a handle on it. You squash the actions before it festers into something that will land you in court...like sexual harassment, intimidation, a "hostile workplace" or any of their bastard relatives.
Strictly enforcing your firm's code of ethics (which should have a section on peer treatment & respect-if it doesn't, get one in there. Now.)
Don't run the risk of damaging the staff you have worked so hard to develop (remember the Guerrillas in the Midst post?), don't risk the liability that a damaged staff could drop the ball on something big (and land your butt in the middle of a legal and PR nightmare) and don't make a bunch of lawyers rich because a pissed-off ex-employee got fed up with the monkeys and your lack of management skills/guts etc.
Violence doesn't always mean gunfire...don't be foolish enough to ignore what's going down inside your own walls.
To end this tome with a more usual tone, don't forget the true meaning of the coming Thursday. Even if the picture isn't perfect and some challenges are facing you, be thankful you have the ability to face them. Be thankful for whatever good the past year has brought you. Being thankful lets the Powers that be know that you appreciate the blessings they have delivered to you, and that's frees them to send more. Read the Prayer of Jabez if you need an additional lift.
All the best to you,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
In Search of the Elusive Brand...
A lot of talk is going on about brands. Branding. El Branderino.
A lot of funeral home owners will tell you, "I don't have a brand. I don't need or want one."
Probably because it sounds like work.
My friends, the question isn't whether you have a brand or not (because you already have one, whether you want it or not), the question is, are you managing your brand?
Well, are ya?
Here's the thing...your brand could be as simple as "the cheap funeral home" or "the expensive one" or "the new guy" or "the old one."
What do you want to be known as?
When you detect the public's perception of you, you discover your brand. If you like what their perception is, you work to maintain that perception. If you don't like it, work like crazy to change it.
That's brand management.
Here's the goal to shoot for...
Be known as the place where the service is sharp, the chairs are soft and the bill doesn't hurt as bad as they thought it would...
I didn't say be the cheapest...I sure as hell don't advocate being the most expensive...(especially if you aren't worth it!)
Be the guy right in the middle...the HIGH middle.
Unless you promise and deliver absolute precision and perfection each and every time, don't be the highest.
Match your price with your brand. The world will beat a path to your door.
If you don't know what your brand is, isn't it time you find out?
Cheerfully yours,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
A lot of funeral home owners will tell you, "I don't have a brand. I don't need or want one."
Probably because it sounds like work.
My friends, the question isn't whether you have a brand or not (because you already have one, whether you want it or not), the question is, are you managing your brand?
Well, are ya?
Here's the thing...your brand could be as simple as "the cheap funeral home" or "the expensive one" or "the new guy" or "the old one."
What do you want to be known as?
When you detect the public's perception of you, you discover your brand. If you like what their perception is, you work to maintain that perception. If you don't like it, work like crazy to change it.
That's brand management.
Here's the goal to shoot for...
Be known as the place where the service is sharp, the chairs are soft and the bill doesn't hurt as bad as they thought it would...
I didn't say be the cheapest...I sure as hell don't advocate being the most expensive...(especially if you aren't worth it!)
Be the guy right in the middle...the HIGH middle.
Unless you promise and deliver absolute precision and perfection each and every time, don't be the highest.
Match your price with your brand. The world will beat a path to your door.
If you don't know what your brand is, isn't it time you find out?
Cheerfully yours,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
RIP - Social Media Super Strategy
Here's a bit of sad news for the Facebook flacks and Twitter twits:
REUTERS – Oct 8, 2009: “Three-quarters of small businesses say they have not found sites such as Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn helpful for generating business leads or expanding business in the past year, according to a survey conducted for Citibank Small Business of 500 U.S. businesses with fewer than 100 employees."
Small businesses with less than 100 employees...hmmm, sounds a lot like you, doesn't it?
Oops. So much for social media being the "new marketing."
More like the "new huckstering."
Many people are touting social media as the end all, be all solution to your problems.
Don't you believe it.
Jumping on the social media bandwagon, while certainly appealing to most who like to follow the crowd, has led many lemming-like businesses astray.
Back to the basics, people. Drop and give me 3.
1- Smart advertising. For god's sake, stop placing the big Yellow Pages ad in the phone book. Save thousands by making yourself a nice visible piece of real estate in an in-column listing. If you're in a pissing contest with your competitor, be the first one to be man (or woman) enough to zip up your pants. Stop making the ad reps and directory publishers rich on your ego's back.
2- Drop the bulletins and calendars (but gently) I have made many a house call where the competition's calendar was hanging on the kitchen wall. I think that pretty much says it all, don't you? Just do it right. As far as the bulletins go, I asked a room full of 100 or so funeral directors "who has ever consulted a church bulletin before a making a purchase?" Exactly 3 people raised their hands. If you are lucky, 3 out of 100 people will notice your bulletin ad. Take that money being spent on that ad and take it directly to the church and spend it in more powerful, visible ways. You'll reach a lot more than 3% that way!
3- Smart networking. People prefer to do business with people they know, especially during bereavement. Don't be a showboating moron at the next Chamber of Commerce meeting, but be friendly, genuine, approachable and easy to talk to. Seek out opportunities to be visible without grandstanding. Being flashy, loud, boorish, phony, drunk, et cetera will only work against you.
P.T. Barnum famously stated that there was a sucker born every minute. He made millions off by taking advantage of ignorance. Don't fall for every gimmick coming down the pike. Do you think that people really want to be a fan of your firm's Facebook page? How much thought do you actually expect them to give you in the years between their loved one's funerals?
According to Reuters, the answer is "Not quite enough."
Hang in there, better days are a-comin'!
To your success!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
PS - The Ultimate Preneed Sales Letter is generating quite a bit of interest. Maybe you should check it out!
REUTERS – Oct 8, 2009: “Three-quarters of small businesses say they have not found sites such as Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn helpful for generating business leads or expanding business in the past year, according to a survey conducted for Citibank Small Business of 500 U.S. businesses with fewer than 100 employees."
Small businesses with less than 100 employees...hmmm, sounds a lot like you, doesn't it?
Oops. So much for social media being the "new marketing."
More like the "new huckstering."
Many people are touting social media as the end all, be all solution to your problems.
Don't you believe it.
Jumping on the social media bandwagon, while certainly appealing to most who like to follow the crowd, has led many lemming-like businesses astray.
Back to the basics, people. Drop and give me 3.
1- Smart advertising. For god's sake, stop placing the big Yellow Pages ad in the phone book. Save thousands by making yourself a nice visible piece of real estate in an in-column listing. If you're in a pissing contest with your competitor, be the first one to be man (or woman) enough to zip up your pants. Stop making the ad reps and directory publishers rich on your ego's back.
2- Drop the bulletins and calendars (but gently) I have made many a house call where the competition's calendar was hanging on the kitchen wall. I think that pretty much says it all, don't you? Just do it right. As far as the bulletins go, I asked a room full of 100 or so funeral directors "who has ever consulted a church bulletin before a making a purchase?" Exactly 3 people raised their hands. If you are lucky, 3 out of 100 people will notice your bulletin ad. Take that money being spent on that ad and take it directly to the church and spend it in more powerful, visible ways. You'll reach a lot more than 3% that way!
3- Smart networking. People prefer to do business with people they know, especially during bereavement. Don't be a showboating moron at the next Chamber of Commerce meeting, but be friendly, genuine, approachable and easy to talk to. Seek out opportunities to be visible without grandstanding. Being flashy, loud, boorish, phony, drunk, et cetera will only work against you.
P.T. Barnum famously stated that there was a sucker born every minute. He made millions off by taking advantage of ignorance. Don't fall for every gimmick coming down the pike. Do you think that people really want to be a fan of your firm's Facebook page? How much thought do you actually expect them to give you in the years between their loved one's funerals?
According to Reuters, the answer is "Not quite enough."
Hang in there, better days are a-comin'!
To your success!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
PS - The Ultimate Preneed Sales Letter is generating quite a bit of interest. Maybe you should check it out!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Be Prepared to Fail
My most recent article published in this month's "The Director" talks about many of the PR events I have successfully utilized for the funeral firms I worked for.
But I have a confession to make...
Not all of my PR events were successes.
I had some pretty lame duds.
The amazing thing was and is that there is no correlation between what I thought was going to be successful and the actual success of the event.
In fact, the success of some REALLY took me by surprise. A couple of ideas that I fully expected to fall flat were the biggest hits.
Don't be afraid to launch a few duds. Remember as a kid when you'd light a bottle rocket and instead of screaming into the sky it just kind of fizzled its way up and
BLAM!!
The report caught you off guard. Because you knew it would be a dud.
The same has happen when you shot one that took off with a roar and then
PPFFFFTTT. Nothing. A pathetic leaky tire sound.
Success with PR events come from unexpected sources and places.
But don't expect any one in particular to be a sure thing.
The public is fickle. And growing more so every day.
Aye, here's the rub.
Don't let your fear of a dud stop you from trying.
Experiment. Be creative. Be tasteful AND bold.
Be prepared to fail, but relish that feeling when the runt of your PR litter brings it on like the biggest, meanest dog in the junkyard.
You'll surprise everyone.
Especially yourself.
Cheers, good and gentle reader!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
But I have a confession to make...
Not all of my PR events were successes.
I had some pretty lame duds.
The amazing thing was and is that there is no correlation between what I thought was going to be successful and the actual success of the event.
In fact, the success of some REALLY took me by surprise. A couple of ideas that I fully expected to fall flat were the biggest hits.
Don't be afraid to launch a few duds. Remember as a kid when you'd light a bottle rocket and instead of screaming into the sky it just kind of fizzled its way up and
BLAM!!
The report caught you off guard. Because you knew it would be a dud.
The same has happen when you shot one that took off with a roar and then
PPFFFFTTT. Nothing. A pathetic leaky tire sound.
Success with PR events come from unexpected sources and places.
But don't expect any one in particular to be a sure thing.
The public is fickle. And growing more so every day.
Aye, here's the rub.
Don't let your fear of a dud stop you from trying.
Experiment. Be creative. Be tasteful AND bold.
Be prepared to fail, but relish that feeling when the runt of your PR litter brings it on like the biggest, meanest dog in the junkyard.
You'll surprise everyone.
Especially yourself.
Cheers, good and gentle reader!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
Sunday, October 18, 2009
A quick reminder...
A couple of years ago, on this here very blog, I made a suggestion for you to get some easy PR.
It's still good today...you've got a couple of weeks...
Call your local constabulary and speak with the public affairs/community relations officer.
Partner up with them and create a Halloween Safety spot in your town/neighborhood.
Pepper your local media outlets with news releases...
Put notices on local bulletin boards (supermarkets, etc.)
Buy some good candy and dress up your spot with whatever decor you choose.
Let the coppers bring the DARE police car, or McGruff the Crime Dog, or ???
And have a great Halloween!
Hauntingly yours,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
It's still good today...you've got a couple of weeks...
Call your local constabulary and speak with the public affairs/community relations officer.
Partner up with them and create a Halloween Safety spot in your town/neighborhood.
Pepper your local media outlets with news releases...
Put notices on local bulletin boards (supermarkets, etc.)
Buy some good candy and dress up your spot with whatever decor you choose.
Let the coppers bring the DARE police car, or McGruff the Crime Dog, or ???
And have a great Halloween!
Hauntingly yours,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
Saturday, October 17, 2009
A little cheese to go with the whine?
Jeffrey Gitomer has taught me a lot...
I own at least 6 of his books, and I subscribe to his weekly Sales Caffeine newsletter...
His philosophy is summed up in this simple phrase:
"You can't be a winner if you're a whiner, weiner."
Thank you, Mr. Gitomer.
You see, there are many in our field that prefer to whine.
Whining is easy. It let's them off the hook. It allows them to remove themselves from accountability.
Point the finger at someone else, it's THEIR fault...
Isn't it?
Is it? Really?
The economy...a competitor...lazy, no good staff...discounters...direct cremation...Jessica Mitford...the media...
Really? Is it their fault?
Or have you gone soft? Have you lost your edge? Are you not willing to invest yourself 100% in your business anymore?
Are you too old to eat, sleep and breathe the business?
What is it?
What is keeping you from action?
What is keeping you from success?
If you aren't living the dream, the person whose fault it is can be located in your bathroom mirror.
Remember "No Fear" back in the 90's?
A lot of cool sayings (on clothes I couldn't afford at the time)like:
"Winners do what the losers didn't"
Anyone seen the "Living By It" video by Harley-Davidson? Hunt it up on the Net if you can...it talks about things like this, with a Harley slant of course.
Winners do. What losers don't.
Winners just do.
They take action. They make choices.
Losers look for excuses. Scapegoats. They cling to any scrap of support for their inaction. "I don't have the money" is one of their favorite hymns.
Losers don't do a lot of things.
Losers sure don't win.
Are you a winner?
Are you a loser?
You have a choice to make. Which side of the tracks do you want to be on?
I have given you 8 options on my website http://danielheaman.com to help you back to the right side of the tracks. For as little as a C-note.
Welcome back.
To your success,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
PS - Be the first in your market to develop the Ultimate Preneed Sales Letter...dialing for dollars is for rookies.
Your friend and customer Mr. & Mrs. John Q. Older-Adult don't trust folks on the phone much anymore, unless your name is Ron Popeil, Dr. Phil or Billy Graham.
The invention of the "No Call List" should have been the first clue.
The Ultimate Preneed Sales Letter...order yours before you-know-who does!
D
I own at least 6 of his books, and I subscribe to his weekly Sales Caffeine newsletter...
His philosophy is summed up in this simple phrase:
"You can't be a winner if you're a whiner, weiner."
Thank you, Mr. Gitomer.
You see, there are many in our field that prefer to whine.
Whining is easy. It let's them off the hook. It allows them to remove themselves from accountability.
Point the finger at someone else, it's THEIR fault...
Isn't it?
Is it? Really?
The economy...a competitor...lazy, no good staff...discounters...direct cremation...Jessica Mitford...the media...
Really? Is it their fault?
Or have you gone soft? Have you lost your edge? Are you not willing to invest yourself 100% in your business anymore?
Are you too old to eat, sleep and breathe the business?
What is it?
What is keeping you from action?
What is keeping you from success?
If you aren't living the dream, the person whose fault it is can be located in your bathroom mirror.
Remember "No Fear" back in the 90's?
A lot of cool sayings (on clothes I couldn't afford at the time)like:
"Winners do what the losers didn't"
Anyone seen the "Living By It" video by Harley-Davidson? Hunt it up on the Net if you can...it talks about things like this, with a Harley slant of course.
Winners do. What losers don't.
Winners just do.
They take action. They make choices.
Losers look for excuses. Scapegoats. They cling to any scrap of support for their inaction. "I don't have the money" is one of their favorite hymns.
Losers don't do a lot of things.
Losers sure don't win.
Are you a winner?
Are you a loser?
You have a choice to make. Which side of the tracks do you want to be on?
I have given you 8 options on my website http://danielheaman.com to help you back to the right side of the tracks. For as little as a C-note.
Welcome back.
To your success,
Dan Heaman, CFSP
PS - Be the first in your market to develop the Ultimate Preneed Sales Letter...dialing for dollars is for rookies.
Your friend and customer Mr. & Mrs. John Q. Older-Adult don't trust folks on the phone much anymore, unless your name is Ron Popeil, Dr. Phil or Billy Graham.
The invention of the "No Call List" should have been the first clue.
The Ultimate Preneed Sales Letter...order yours before you-know-who does!
D
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Whew! A long vacation even for me!
Greetings and salutations friends!
That is, if there are any still out there!
I've been focusing on my PAYING writing gigs since the spring...copywriting and articles out the wazoo. (including being asked to be the ONLY English-speaking contributor to an international funeral director's publication!)
How 'bout them apples, huh?
It is good to be back. As you have come to expect from me, I have continued to further my skills, push the envelope, expand my horizons...
Here's what I have been pondering lately...
What is the difference between Disney and Six Flags?
One is thriving...the other struggles.
One satisfies...the other tries.
Why is it that people don't seem to mind ponying up $100 dollars a day for one, but gripe and moan about the other charging less than half that?
Most importantly, what do we learn from this?
How can you translate the magic of Disney and incorporate it into funeral service?
I have some ideas.
You probably should, too.
Disney sure does...do you want to compete with them?
Let's talk about this, shall we?
In the meantime, talk a cyberstroll over to my re-launched website at
http://danielheaman.com.
I've put the old Guerrilla Director website to pasture...but the spirit endures!
The seasons have turned, the time of year that always stirs my soul.
The season of harvest, time to reap what you've sown this year.
If the harvest is on the skimpy side, maybe you and I should talk.
Fertile minds working together can't hardly lose!
It's good to be back, kids!
As always, toasting your success!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
The director formerly known as the guerrilla
PS - I've got a couple of good articles in the October trade magazines out now...The Director and Funeral Business Advisor. Check 'em out~
That is, if there are any still out there!
I've been focusing on my PAYING writing gigs since the spring...copywriting and articles out the wazoo. (including being asked to be the ONLY English-speaking contributor to an international funeral director's publication!)
How 'bout them apples, huh?
It is good to be back. As you have come to expect from me, I have continued to further my skills, push the envelope, expand my horizons...
Here's what I have been pondering lately...
What is the difference between Disney and Six Flags?
One is thriving...the other struggles.
One satisfies...the other tries.
Why is it that people don't seem to mind ponying up $100 dollars a day for one, but gripe and moan about the other charging less than half that?
Most importantly, what do we learn from this?
How can you translate the magic of Disney and incorporate it into funeral service?
I have some ideas.
You probably should, too.
Disney sure does...do you want to compete with them?
Let's talk about this, shall we?
In the meantime, talk a cyberstroll over to my re-launched website at
http://danielheaman.com.
I've put the old Guerrilla Director website to pasture...but the spirit endures!
The seasons have turned, the time of year that always stirs my soul.
The season of harvest, time to reap what you've sown this year.
If the harvest is on the skimpy side, maybe you and I should talk.
Fertile minds working together can't hardly lose!
It's good to be back, kids!
As always, toasting your success!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
The director formerly known as the guerrilla
PS - I've got a couple of good articles in the October trade magazines out now...The Director and Funeral Business Advisor. Check 'em out~
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Hope Springs Eternal
Ahhhhh....the windows are open...the magical winds of the vernal equinox are already starting break the gray crust of Ol' Man Winter's grasp...we're not free yet, but it's coming.
Time to shake off the old and grab the remainder of 2009 by the neck.
The business world and rules of commerce once again have shifted, friends.
Are you following it? Did you know that there are more customers at play now than there have been in a long time...what are you doing to woo them?
Tell me...I want to know!
Here's a spring fling freebie for you ~
Shoot me an email with your plans for the new year. Be as specific or vague as you want. I take a look and give you some FREE advice on how to ramp it up!
One of you will get a phone call from me, completely free and with only one purpose:
to help you give your competitor the business equivalent of a knee to the groin.
Let him or her keep fooling themselves that they can keep doing whatever it is they have been while you outplay, outsmart and outlast them.
You're ready for that, aren't you!
Fire away!! I'm here waiting! Every email will be answered at dan@guerrilladirector.com.
Cheers!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
The Guerrilla Director
Time to shake off the old and grab the remainder of 2009 by the neck.
The business world and rules of commerce once again have shifted, friends.
Are you following it? Did you know that there are more customers at play now than there have been in a long time...what are you doing to woo them?
Tell me...I want to know!
Here's a spring fling freebie for you ~
Shoot me an email with your plans for the new year. Be as specific or vague as you want. I take a look and give you some FREE advice on how to ramp it up!
One of you will get a phone call from me, completely free and with only one purpose:
to help you give your competitor the business equivalent of a knee to the groin.
Let him or her keep fooling themselves that they can keep doing whatever it is they have been while you outplay, outsmart and outlast them.
You're ready for that, aren't you!
Fire away!! I'm here waiting! Every email will be answered at dan@guerrilladirector.com.
Cheers!
Dan Heaman, CFSP
The Guerrilla Director
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Good times and riches and son-of-a....
Ahhhh...the sweet, sweet pain of a dysfunctional workplace.
We've all been there....some of us might even still be there.
You know, in the good ol' days of my apprenticeship, I had the great fortune of studying under and modeling my style after one of the most gifted funeral director/embalmers I've ever known.
Hadley had words of wisdom for me, which have stuck in my head like verbal Krazy Glue.
"Danny...this business will do one of three things to you. It'll turn you into 1) a drunk, 2) a nut or 3) a bastard. Choose your path wisely."
Oh, I've worked with and for my share of drunks and bastards...I imagine many of you have, too.
The fraternity antics, hazing of "new meat", verbally and sexually harassing co-workers...and that's just the women!
just kidding, folks...no need to fire off a slew of corrective email.
But seriously, if you are noticing change in your staff like increased hostility, tension, frequent absences and tardiness~you might have a problem.
The emotionally charged atmosphere of funeral service lends itself to destructive, dysfunctional employee behaviors, especially in a managerial vacuum...hell, even the ol' Guerrilla himself has been known to fire off a scathing review of co-workers and or managers...
But it's not healthy...nor is it good for your bottom line. Provide, Nay, ENSURE appropriate stress relief is at the ready for your staff...it can be as simple as letting them take a long lunch on a slow afternoon, provided that they can be reached and return quickly if needed.
Keep your good weather eye on your front liners...quench the flare ups before they rage into blazes, or you might get burnt.
Until next time,
Dan
We've all been there....some of us might even still be there.
You know, in the good ol' days of my apprenticeship, I had the great fortune of studying under and modeling my style after one of the most gifted funeral director/embalmers I've ever known.
Hadley had words of wisdom for me, which have stuck in my head like verbal Krazy Glue.
"Danny...this business will do one of three things to you. It'll turn you into 1) a drunk, 2) a nut or 3) a bastard. Choose your path wisely."
Oh, I've worked with and for my share of drunks and bastards...I imagine many of you have, too.
The fraternity antics, hazing of "new meat", verbally and sexually harassing co-workers...and that's just the women!
just kidding, folks...no need to fire off a slew of corrective email.
But seriously, if you are noticing change in your staff like increased hostility, tension, frequent absences and tardiness~you might have a problem.
The emotionally charged atmosphere of funeral service lends itself to destructive, dysfunctional employee behaviors, especially in a managerial vacuum...hell, even the ol' Guerrilla himself has been known to fire off a scathing review of co-workers and or managers...
But it's not healthy...nor is it good for your bottom line. Provide, Nay, ENSURE appropriate stress relief is at the ready for your staff...it can be as simple as letting them take a long lunch on a slow afternoon, provided that they can be reached and return quickly if needed.
Keep your good weather eye on your front liners...quench the flare ups before they rage into blazes, or you might get burnt.
Until next time,
Dan
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A whispered bit of advice...
Lean in close...I don't want everyone to hear this ~
No matter what the economy is doing...no matter what your competition is doing...you, and you alone will decide if your firm is going to thrive this year or dive this year...
You're welcome~
Dan
No matter what the economy is doing...no matter what your competition is doing...you, and you alone will decide if your firm is going to thrive this year or dive this year...
You're welcome~
Dan
Thursday, January 15, 2009
A funeral industry bailout?
Greetings, friends!
And, might I add, thank you for patience with my extended absences from this virtual paradise this past year as I stood by my wife as we worked through a series of surgeries, pain management, physical therapy and other related (and ineffective) tortures. She had her most recent (and hopefully last!) surgery this morning. Keep her in your thoughts!
That being said, to those of you wondering what that salty car ad spoof has to do with our neat little corner of the business world?
One word, folks.
Arrogance.
While that ad was neither created nor sanctioned by The Grande Tres, it certainly rings true, no?
Arrogance, and its siblings laziness, stupidity, et al.
Causes of death on the once admirable and innovative American automotive industry's death certificate.
AND current diagnoses of our own beloved profession.
How long have we acted like our consumers had no other choice?
How long have we jacked up prices and maybe cut services...for the sake of the bottom line?
Have we tried to swap in those crappy Asian slave labor caskets in the place of our own countrymen's handiwork, and not adjusted the price to accurately represent our cost and a reasonable profit margin? All in the vain hope that the consumer won't notice? Or perhaps we think that they're not smart enough to notice....
In short...is our industry the next to do the Walk of Shame and have to get in line with the failed and disgraced to beg for our futures? Because of our arrogance?
Will the next ad spoof feature a hearse/casket coach/Eternal Edsel or whatever we call 'em these days? With the headline beginning "You didn't buy our shitty caskets..."
A bad economy is already taking its toll on our margins...factor in arrogance, bad management, and you've got yourself a one way ticket to the bank...hat in hand...head down...asking for a bit of charity.
And we'll deserve it. Too many of us are still operating like it's 1979 and discounters are a blissful 15 years away from being any sort of appreciable threat, consumers were still fairly loyal and had not begun the tectonic shift away from their relational buying habits to transactional buying habits...
Do you get it yet?
Are you still firmly esconced in the sand, Mr. Ostrich?
Do you see your possible future?
And what are you going to do about it?
Let me know...I want to know who wants to live and who wants to be the punchline of some late night talk show host's joke...
Dan
PS - Oh yeah...I'm as irritated as I sound!
And, might I add, thank you for patience with my extended absences from this virtual paradise this past year as I stood by my wife as we worked through a series of surgeries, pain management, physical therapy and other related (and ineffective) tortures. She had her most recent (and hopefully last!) surgery this morning. Keep her in your thoughts!
That being said, to those of you wondering what that salty car ad spoof has to do with our neat little corner of the business world?
One word, folks.
Arrogance.
While that ad was neither created nor sanctioned by The Grande Tres, it certainly rings true, no?
Arrogance, and its siblings laziness, stupidity, et al.
Causes of death on the once admirable and innovative American automotive industry's death certificate.
AND current diagnoses of our own beloved profession.
How long have we acted like our consumers had no other choice?
How long have we jacked up prices and maybe cut services...for the sake of the bottom line?
Have we tried to swap in those crappy Asian slave labor caskets in the place of our own countrymen's handiwork, and not adjusted the price to accurately represent our cost and a reasonable profit margin? All in the vain hope that the consumer won't notice? Or perhaps we think that they're not smart enough to notice....
In short...is our industry the next to do the Walk of Shame and have to get in line with the failed and disgraced to beg for our futures? Because of our arrogance?
Will the next ad spoof feature a hearse/casket coach/Eternal Edsel or whatever we call 'em these days? With the headline beginning "You didn't buy our shitty caskets..."
A bad economy is already taking its toll on our margins...factor in arrogance, bad management, and you've got yourself a one way ticket to the bank...hat in hand...head down...asking for a bit of charity.
And we'll deserve it. Too many of us are still operating like it's 1979 and discounters are a blissful 15 years away from being any sort of appreciable threat, consumers were still fairly loyal and had not begun the tectonic shift away from their relational buying habits to transactional buying habits...
Do you get it yet?
Are you still firmly esconced in the sand, Mr. Ostrich?
Do you see your possible future?
And what are you going to do about it?
Let me know...I want to know who wants to live and who wants to be the punchline of some late night talk show host's joke...
Dan
PS - Oh yeah...I'm as irritated as I sound!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Back in Black, baby!
Now the holidays are behind us and the credit card bills are before us...
Let's get back to work, shall we?
Before we plunge headlong into the maelstrom, let's take a moment to gather our thoughts and reflect on the absurdities of the past year with a little levity...
The image above cracks me up...mainly because it's true. And I say this as a man who only buys American cars...even when they don't deserve it. Kind of like all the folks who stayed with Harley-Davidson during the crappy '70s/AMF years...
Before I get chastised for the coarse language in the ad, allow me to state that I did not create it, but found on another site (Special thanks to Anita Thompson and the Owl Farm blog!)
Try not to squirt too much milk from you nose, and I look forward to riding the blogger range again soon!
Cheers!
Dan
PS-How does this "ad" pertain to our industry? It really does if you just think a bit outside the normal realm. Drop me an email if you want me to fill you in...
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Patton Speech
The guy removed the Patton video that once was here...
Fret not...the good General and William Wallace before him, I'll continue to find nuggets to inspire, motivate and encourage...
Fret not...the good General and William Wallace before him, I'll continue to find nuggets to inspire, motivate and encourage...
Seven years ago today....twin structures
"Where were when the world stopped turning that September day?"- Alan Jackson
Sure, I remember...we were preparing for a HUGE memorial service of a very prominent local attorney. I was driving in, listening to some inane morning show out of New York when the first plane hit. I had just turned into the driveway of the funeral home when the second one hit...the chaos that followed blurs pretty much everything else. We went forward with the memorial service as planned, and I remember a soldier in attendance running out with an emergency page as the day unfolded.
But what I remember most consumed my mind for a solid week. And had nothing to do with the terrorist attacks.
I took a first call from a father whose wife had just had a miscarriage. He was distraught, with questions barrelling through his mind and out his mouth. He even asked me if I thought he and his wife would be able to have any more babies.
The sucker punch of it for that family and that day: They miscarried twins.
Exactly one week later, seven years ago today, under an eerily quiet sky save for the occasional fighter jet (the airways were still locked down), I stood at the graveside during a insultingly perfect September day, listening to the minister trying hard to find some comfort to give the devastated parents.
His opening lines seared my brain, and stand out just as sharp and clear as if I heard the words mere minutes ago...
"Last week, the world lost two gigantic twin structures of concrete, steel and glass.
And on that same horrible day last week, the world lost two tiny, fragile twin structures of flesh, blood and bone..."
Ka POW! Everyone's attention was riveted to that pastor. He sought out and delivered one of the most poignant funeral messages I (or anyone else in attendance) ever heard.
Few of our colleagues in this wonderfully rewarding field would consider the choice of a minister as a touchpoint of customer service.
But it is. It is such a make or break detail for the funeral experience to have the appropriate clergy or celebrant handling the service.
The clergyman in this instance is pretty much a "rent-a-collar" for families desiring short and sweet, or what he termed "Jesus-lite" services, and he does a phenomenal job most of the time...but he isn't for every family.
How much thought do you give to matching the pastor to the family (beyond the obvious of matching Baptist to Baptist, priest for the Catholics, etc.)? Do you match personalities and styles, too?
If your answer is no, then I must ask "Why not?"
Don't tell me it's too much work...if it's too much work for you to truly serve your families, get the hell out of the funeral business and go somewhere where they don't care about service, like the DMV or IRS.
If you simply don't have the resources in your area for your families, then it is up to you to polish and study up on your theology and literature. Serve a pastor-less family and wow them with your verbal prowess. And some day, when you and I are having a beer together, ask me about my "Apocalypse Now" eulogy.
I'm particularly proud of that one!
Here's to your success! I hope you are all doing well, and my prayers and warm thoughts go to my readers afflicted by the hurricane over the weekend.
Yours,
Dan
PS-The Guerrilla Director site is down for a while...I want to redo it. I'll let you know when it's back up and running. And I have a question...have you ever been invited to Arlington?
Sure, I remember...we were preparing for a HUGE memorial service of a very prominent local attorney. I was driving in, listening to some inane morning show out of New York when the first plane hit. I had just turned into the driveway of the funeral home when the second one hit...the chaos that followed blurs pretty much everything else. We went forward with the memorial service as planned, and I remember a soldier in attendance running out with an emergency page as the day unfolded.
But what I remember most consumed my mind for a solid week. And had nothing to do with the terrorist attacks.
I took a first call from a father whose wife had just had a miscarriage. He was distraught, with questions barrelling through his mind and out his mouth. He even asked me if I thought he and his wife would be able to have any more babies.
The sucker punch of it for that family and that day: They miscarried twins.
Exactly one week later, seven years ago today, under an eerily quiet sky save for the occasional fighter jet (the airways were still locked down), I stood at the graveside during a insultingly perfect September day, listening to the minister trying hard to find some comfort to give the devastated parents.
His opening lines seared my brain, and stand out just as sharp and clear as if I heard the words mere minutes ago...
"Last week, the world lost two gigantic twin structures of concrete, steel and glass.
And on that same horrible day last week, the world lost two tiny, fragile twin structures of flesh, blood and bone..."
Ka POW! Everyone's attention was riveted to that pastor. He sought out and delivered one of the most poignant funeral messages I (or anyone else in attendance) ever heard.
Few of our colleagues in this wonderfully rewarding field would consider the choice of a minister as a touchpoint of customer service.
But it is. It is such a make or break detail for the funeral experience to have the appropriate clergy or celebrant handling the service.
The clergyman in this instance is pretty much a "rent-a-collar" for families desiring short and sweet, or what he termed "Jesus-lite" services, and he does a phenomenal job most of the time...but he isn't for every family.
How much thought do you give to matching the pastor to the family (beyond the obvious of matching Baptist to Baptist, priest for the Catholics, etc.)? Do you match personalities and styles, too?
If your answer is no, then I must ask "Why not?"
Don't tell me it's too much work...if it's too much work for you to truly serve your families, get the hell out of the funeral business and go somewhere where they don't care about service, like the DMV or IRS.
If you simply don't have the resources in your area for your families, then it is up to you to polish and study up on your theology and literature. Serve a pastor-less family and wow them with your verbal prowess. And some day, when you and I are having a beer together, ask me about my "Apocalypse Now" eulogy.
I'm particularly proud of that one!
Here's to your success! I hope you are all doing well, and my prayers and warm thoughts go to my readers afflicted by the hurricane over the weekend.
Yours,
Dan
PS-The Guerrilla Director site is down for a while...I want to redo it. I'll let you know when it's back up and running. And I have a question...have you ever been invited to Arlington?
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